Forth Blood

“At last,” I hear no one cry, “'Rambo IV' is upon us!” Though to be pedantic for a moment isn’t this technically ‘Rambo 3’, as the first one was called ‘First Blood’ and the second one, rather than go for the obvious ‘Second Blood’, was called ‘Rambo’ (or to be totally accurate – and dull – ‘Rambo: First Blood Part II’)? Or something? In all likelihood they will now retrospectively “fix” this linguistic-lineage problem by renaming the first one ‘Rambo Part I, First Blood’), which I’m sure will help both Harold Pinter and Jonathan Miller sleep better – not together you understand, I’m not suggesting anything untoward, please don’t sue polymaths! I digress…

I hate, really disproportionately, irrationally (?!) hate this fad for messing with old film titles. ‘Star Wars’ is ‘Star Wars’ okay! NOT ‘Star Wars, Episode IV, A New Hope’, for the love of Luke!… ‘Episode IV’ tagged on I can almost take, ‘cos I understand that chronology can be tricky for today’s kids, right? But ‘A New Hope’ I. DO. NOT. THINK. SO. Lucas you twat. The bearded one is also responsible for the utterly clumsy ‘Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark’. Stop messing with my childhood or I’m gonna come up to Skywalker Ranch and smack your head up with a Swing Ball ™. Again, I digress…

I had intended to rant about how shite “Rambo 4” was likely to be, but I’ve just heard it described as “Morally repugnant on a staggering level…” and I don’t think I can be arsed to top that. ‘Rocky Balboa’, I feel obliged to confess, turned out rather well though, despite the crushing darkness that came over me when I discovered that the robot butler from ‘Rocky V’ wasn’t going to be in it.